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Relationships are not (anymore, at least) a collectivist act.
They really come down to two individuals doing business in ways that we will never be privy to.
I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped.
But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me.
My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.
Scott goes on to detail the history of black women, racist degradation, and beauty standards. But I think the key problem here is a common one--a kind of collectivist approach toward something as individual and private as marriage.
By David Ball (Own work) [GFDL ( CC-BY-SA-3.0 ( or CC BY 2.5 ( via Wikimedia Commons. Obviously he had an identity crisis before he met you and hasn’t bothered to work that out.
Writing about this has helped me get clearer and clearer on this.